Monday, March 3, 2008

John McCain Just Called

The other day I left my older children at home while I ran up to the corner pharmacy to pick up a prescription for my daughter. When I returned home, I was greeted with a phone message as recorded by my 10 year old.

"A, uhh... Mr. McCain called for you." He said.

"Mr. McCain?" I asked, "Are you sure?" The name wasn't ringing any bells.

"Ya. I think it was John McCain. It was actually his friend calling. He told me that he was calling because John McCain really wants you to come over to vote on Tuesday."

Then it all made sense. The number of political calls we are now getting is astounding. With the union giving out our phone number to every union and left-laiden group out there, we are now getting calls from both the Republican and Democratic parties, and both parties call assuming we're "on their side." Funny, since we're not on either side.

Yesterday, a lady called me to ask me to vote for Obama. She asked me what my political affiliation was.

"I'm an anarchist." I said. "We meet weekly in the basement of a local church, and have planned quite a comprehensive scheme to reorganize the government. Our motto is, 'Anarchy. The Bigger the Government, the Better.' "

Silence on the other end. It was obviously lost on her.

"Do you know what an anarchist is?" I asked.

"No. I've never heard the word before."

"Really. Well, actually, you've convinced me. Anarchy is not the way to go. Actually, I'm a Libertarian. You've heard of that haven't you?"

"uumm... is that the same thing as a liberal?"

It was really too much fun. So, today, when Hillary Clinton called, I couldn't stop myself.

"Hi, I'm calling on behalf of Hillary Clinton. She wants you to remember to go to the polls tomorrow. Are you planning on voting?"

"Yes, I am."

"Am I able to ask you who you are voting for?"



"Uhhmmm.... who are you voting for?"

"Well, that all depends. Way back at the beginning of her campaign, Hillary was offering to provide free cable T.V. to all Americans. I haven't heard her say anything about that recently. Is that still part of her platform?"

"Umm... I'm not aware of that being part of her platform. Are you sure?"

"Oh ya. It was all over the news. A regular rage about the blogs. Important stuff. What about cell phone minutes? There was something, too, about unlimited national free anytime minutes if you elected her president. I think that she needed to know if you voted for her or not."

"Ummm... I really don't know about that.... I guess I can't help there. I don't think that's part of her platform. She's more concerned with stuff like health care and education. Is there any other issue I could help with?"

"YES! I've been looking and looking and I simply can't find the answer to this one question I have about Hillary."

"Okay! Ask away!"

"How does Hillary feel about Brittney Spears' parenting?"

"Uhh... does it matter?"

"Well, of course, it matters! Hillary is so concerned for the rights of children, I would just love to know where she stands on this issue!"

"I'll have to look into that. Don't forget to get to the polls tomorrow.... thanks for your time!"

It's just too fun. With all the calls and front door visits, I had to find some kind of coping mechanism, and messing with the minds of these people is far to fun to pass up. I'm actually going to almost miss the primaries when they're over. Oh well... I've still got the actual election to look forward to.

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