Am I Really Missing the Boat?

Yesterday was another "reality check" day. Once again, I was back at the hospital trying to figure out what we are supposed to be doing with our daughter whom all these people think is broken, and we don't think needs fixed.

This time was better than before. We were really not clicking with her last specialist, and at the advice of another doctor, switched to one of her partners. So, I have to say, this was so much better. First of all, I had all my questions answered. Second of all, she helped me develop a plan for how we will manage this case of arthrogryposis, including which limbs we should start with and in what order (right leg, left leg, right arm).

However, there were still things that bothered me. The first was a question asked by the nurse.

"Is she in preschool?"

At first I responded with a "no", but then I realized she goes to a preschool class at our home school co-op once a week (we've been sick for 3 straight weeks, so she's missed a lot lately).

The nurse looked befuddled at my "no."

"Well, actually, she goes to a preschool class once a week."

"Oh great. Then she does get some socialization."

UGGHHHH! Do people have any idea how tired home schoolers get hearing about "socialization." I thought about telling her that, actually, she's quite socialized for a 4 year old. She has 3 "good" friends, likes to make new friends, loves all her family and also wants to be with us rather than strangers. I thought about telling her how there have now been numerous studies done on the socialization of home schoolers (some even done by university education departments trying to prove that home schoolers are socially deficient) that have proven that, on average, home schoolers have better social skills than their public and private school counter parts. I thought about telling her that socialization is part of the reason I home school. I like having confident kids who understand how to make friends with people, don't instantly judge other kids by how they look or act, and also know how to stand up to peer pressure. But, instead, I just smiled.

Then, a resident came in and looked at our file.

"How long are you planning on home schooling?"

Am I wrong to think that this really isn't any of their business? I have worked with many other doctors at this particular hospital and none of them have ever questioned how my children were schooled. I didn't question it though, I just answered her.

"Until we think it's no longer in her best interest."

"So you're making her go with out an I.E.P. ?"

I wanted to say, "No, actually, her entire education is an I.E.P. (Individualized Education Plan), because she's my only preschooler right now. Her also home schooled 5 year old sister just finished up with all her kindergarten work and has started first grade -- obviously disadvantaged by homeschooling." But, again, I just smiled and said, "No, she doesn't have an I.E.P."

All the questions done, the real doctor came in. Everything was fine. Our daughter has multiple issues with all four limbs and this doctor was extremely helpful, but then she said something that really bugged me.

"She's really more limited than you realize. Maybe you're just used to her because you've been with her for the past year."

Is she really more limited than I realize? Is that really true? I mean, I live with the kid. I'm the one that has to drop everything and lift her onto the toilet when she needs to go. I'm the one that helps her put her shirt on and off. I'm the one that lifts her onto furniture when no step stool is available. I'm the one that waits while she climbs the steps, moves a step stool and climbs onto the furniture, and also waits while she wheels herself places.

Can a parent really not realize how physically limited their kid is?

In addition to that, how would things bode for her if I wasn't as positive about what she can do? Where would she be if I was approaching her from a standpoint of how limited she was?

I just really don't get it. She does everything that she is developmentally supposed to be able to do, with the exception of walking, putting herself on the toilet and taking off her shirt. How limited is a person if they can do all that's expected of them?

I realize that there are hurdles down the road. She'll have to learn how to put on her own braces (something that she isn't expected to do right now because of the design of the braces), how to put on a coat or jacket, how to cook, how to do more complicated chores and how to drive. But, am I missing something somehow? She has no problem manipulating small objects with her hands so handwriting and learning an instrument won't be a problem. She's shown an aptitude for letters, so I doubt reading will be a problem. She's great with numbers. Where's the problem? She's capable.

But, then again, I don't have an M.D., so maybe I'm just missing the point.

Whatever You Do, Don't Try To Come Between a Boy and His Bottle

It all started when we had the flu. My husband, innocently enough, purchased both my youngest son and me a liter of ginger ale to nurse our sensitive stomachs for the next couple days. I finished mine, and, of all the odd things, rinsed it out, pitched the cap and threw the bottle in the recycling bin.

My son, on the other hand, had grown some kind of attachment to his bottle. He rarely gets any kind of pop, and this was his first experience (he claims) with ginger ale. He was immediately smitten with its sweet-yet-spicy taste. He finished his, and upon rinsing it out in the sink, realized an amazing thing.

"MOM, this bottle will turn any liquid green!" he gasped, "Yet, I can see right through it!"

I knew what was coming next.

"No," I responded before he could ask.

"Can I keep it?"

"No."

"Why not?" He instantly regretted asking.

"Why not?" I asked, "Why not? I'll tell you why not...."

Then I proceeded to explain to him how we had no extra space in our house for an empty bottle, that it was really trash, and that I was already tired of picking up junk through out the house... the typical mom explosion.

Then I saw the puppy eyes.

Oh, I thought, It's only one bottle. And its so thrifty and creative of him to find entertainment in something most people think is trash. Plus, it's environmentally friendly to get as much use out of something as possible. Oh, what could it hurt....

"Okay," I said, "You can keep the bottle, but if I find it on the floor you owe me $5 as a trash collecting fee."

His cheers only served to confirm my suspicion that I would regret that decision. Already I was eyeing that bottle as the enemy of my efforts to get my son to pay attention to his work. Plus, as a Mom, I find it a bit unnerving that my son would form an attachment to an empty pop bottle.

We started our school work when the first problem surfaced.

"Why do you have the bottle with you?"

"Because I love it."

"It's...uh...an empty green bottle."

"I know, but it makes me happy. I can squeeze it."

So, he sat there, working on his handwriting, and occasionally squeezing the bottle. It wasn't long before I couldn't contain myself.

"Enough with squeezing the bottle."

"Okay."

Several minutes later he was at the sink, filling the bottle with water. He sat back down and went back to work. After a minute, he put his pencil down, opened the lid of his bottle and...

"GLUG, GLUG, GLUG...."

A minute of work. He then, again, opened the cap.

"GLUG, GLUG, GLUG...."

Then he repeated the cycle again.

I breathed deeply.

"*&%^$*#" (that's his name, not a cuss word), "You need to put the bottle away. Far away. Away where I can't see it."

"Okay." And it disappeared -- for the time being.

I started working with my daughter on her math. Several minutes into it, I heard him again.

"Ohhhh.... you're green and squishy with my uni-binoculars."

I couldn't even look up. I was certain that I would do something not very nice with the bottle if I saw it. Not to mention, this kid had been sitting there for close to an hour and had only completed half of his handwriting page which normally takes him about 5-10 minutes.

But, I'm brave, so I looked up. He was sitting there, his eyes bulging from his head and staring at me through his snazzy new 'binoculars'. If my camera wasn't missing, I would've taken a picture because words can never really describe what I saw.


"*&$*(#)@" (again, his name, not a cuss word). "I need this bottle out of my line of vision."

"Okay! I'll put my nice set of uni-binoculars away!"

And, they were gone until we were reading the Bible. Although it was still with him in spirit.

"I could make it into a boat that floats." He said, between lines 4 and 5 of his handwriting.

"It's better than my regular water bottle -- bigger." He mentioned as he started his grammar.

"It's like it's really two different shades of green when it's half full." He mentioned, after one line of grammar had been half completed.

"I could even write a face on it."

And, so his musings went. But the bottle itself never made an appearance. Of course, at this point, it had taken on demonic undertones to me, so I felt as though the room was possessed by "the green bottle". We do buy this kid toys! We do invest in fun activities like tae kwon do, drums, piano, swim lessons, 4H and he's even joining boy scouts. What, but the supernatural, could explain this obsessive connection to an empty green pop bottle?

We continued with our day. Me, 5 kids, 2 dogs and the empty green pop bottle.

As I began to read the Bible to the kids, I noticed that my son was leaning back on the couch, and yet not leaning all the way back. There appeared to be something up the back of his shirt.

"*&%($#, is there something in your shirt?" I queried, hesitantly, because I already had suspicions about it.

"Well...my back hurts. "

"Yes, but that doesn't answer my question. Are you hiding your pop bottle up your shirt right now?"

"Not, the pop bottle," he replied...."It's more than that.... I filled it with hot water, and now it's a HOT WATER BOTTLE for my sore back. This thing is just so amazing! It's so many things in one reusable bottle!"

At that point, I realized that I wasn't going to win. That stupid bottle was going to be the love and focus of his day. I keep telling myself that George Washington Carver probably had his own special jar he nurtured, that Albert Einstein probably discovered Tupperware's versatility when he was a child, and that Galileo probably fell in love with a uniquely shaped clay pot. I keep reassuring myself about how Edison's teachers called him "addled". It's okay. Really. These are the people that change the world. Really. It's because he's so creative and intelligent that he can find so much....something...in an empty green pop bottle.

At least I haven't had to pick it up off the floor.

Really Funny Video!

Click here to see a really funny video about home schooling!