Saturday, October 13, 2007

Amish Romance Novels and Other Great Perks When You Become a Christian

Today we received our copy of Christian Books Distributors Catalogue.

"Wow," I told my husband, "blog-fodder".

There was a time when I would flip through a CBD catalogue and find a whole lot of books I'd like to read. I guess that was back in the day, because now I mostly flip through it for the entertainment value it provides for me and my family.

So, for the edification and education of my blog readers, here is the low down from the latest in Christian Publishing:

There's been a growing trend in a new type of fiction, and this time I counted a total of 33 Amish romance novels by 4 or 5 different authors. This is so surprising to me, as the Amish don't seem to be a culture too caught up in romance. And, having grown up in North Eastern Ohio where many Amish abide, I must confess that I've never thought that they would even appreciate being the subject of romance novels. That aside, as the catalogue says, if Nellie doesn't decide if those "modern conveniences" like a tractor are Godly, she just may lose Caleb. The drama just doesn't end.


Over the years, people have commented to me how impressed they are with my kids' Bible knowledge.

"What did you do to get them to know it so well?" I've been asked.

"I, uh, read the Bible to them." Novel answer, I know. However, I've learned from CBD,that there really is more than one Bible! Just an incomplete list includes:

NIV True Images, Update Edition, Bible for Girls

Revolution for Teen Guys Bible

NCV Refuel New Testament for Guys (super charged with scripture "under the hood")

NIV 2:53 Boys Bible (boys can grow deeper, smarter and cooler)

The NIV FaithGirlz! Bible (with a section entitled "Oh, I get it!"-- no sexism there!)

The Adventure Bible (Hey! That one sounds fun!)

The NLT Hands-On Bible (perhaps this is a Bible your supposed to apply to life?)

The Discovers Bible (perhaps for explorers? Wonder if Columbus read it...)

The New Spirit-Filled Life Bible, Revised (Revised??? And, I thought my plain old NIV was spirit filled!)

The NKJV New Spirit-Filled Life Bible for Women (come on men -- don't you just want to take a little peek at it?)

The Amplified Bible (It reads louder than the rest).

But the best two are:
The Metal Bible ("one-of-a-kind metal case may resemble a soda can on the outside, but inside is Living Water sure to quench the thirst of any believer.")

The NIV Trimline Bible-in-a-Bag ("For teens and tweens on the go.. this take anywhere Bible is adorable and portable.")

How spoiled (in more than one sense) are we, that we have to actually package our Bibles for entertainment, when believers around the world are sharing 1 plain copy of scripture among many families and some believers haven't even had the entire Word translated into their languages!

But, don't forget, you can't just read the Bible, you have another duty towards it. You must highlight it! So, for a mere $20 you can buy the "Multi-Function Bible Study Pen." My oldest son asked me why you can't just use a regular pen. Perhaps this one has been blessed by a Rabbi or something.

There are also Bible study notepads, sheet magnifiers (set of 4!),Bible marking kits, lap desks and "Tabbies" for marking your place in your Bible. I use my collection of church bulletins -- I call them Bible Clutter.

Aside from the children's toys (a subject that is a whole other blog entry -- or book!), there was one other area that caught my attention: Holy Land Gifts.

For only $185 I can get the Lord's attention with a Yemenite Shofar, unless I want the extra large, in which case I need to pay $236. There were an assortment of rams horns, anointing oil with Scroll, Holy Land Communion Kit ($36), and, my personal favorite, "Scents of the Bible" perfume. From everything I've ever read about hygiene in the Bible, coupled with my experiences of international travel, I would have to say that I don't think that this is a perfume that will flood the markets at the local department stores. If it does, though, I'm in luck because with 7 people in my family, we can really produce a lot of stink -- I mean perfume.

But the final one that confused me was Hebrew Prayer Shawl with the Prayer of Jabez (more on Jabez in another blog). What confused me was not so much the prayer shawl, but the difference in quality. Jabez got the biggest label in the catalogue (probably because he has a best-selling book), but his shawl is only a polyester/nylon blend. Now, Elijah's prayer shawl is wool, of course. As is queen Esther's. However, the Tribe of Levi (I mean, the holy priesthood!), and the Tribe of Judah (from the line of Jesus) get the same fabric as the little thought of line of Issachar: POLYESTER! Where's the logic in that, I ask, where's the logic in that?

Oh, well, at least we're entertained.

1 comment:

Rob said...

Deb, that was hilarious...and yet, so sad.