Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Dumb Jocks! (A Blog Title Sure to Make My Husband Very Nervous)

I can't say that I don't like to make dumb jock jokes, because, well, I do. But this goes beyond dumb jocks, and since my daughter is definitely athletic material (albeit intelligent athletic material) my number of "dumb jock" jokes has significantly decreased in the past few years. They certainly number less than my blond jokes.

However there is a reason that my husband often watches football with the volume turned down, and that reason isn't just my constant commenting on what the football commentators are saying, although that would be reason enough for most people. It's what they're saying that causes him to keep the volume off.

"Tell me," says the wise, thoughtful sportscaster, "How do you feel about losing today? Especially that play in the last quarter?"

Okay, what, exactly does the sportscaster think he's going to say?

"It felt greeeaaaat to lose!"

"I especially enjoyed the moment when I fumbled the ball and tripped and fell in front of millions of viewers!"

Stupid stupid stupid, yes, it's stupid. One Sunday afternoon could provide me with a weeks worth of blog fodder! But stupidity from the football field isn't even the tip of the dumb jock iceberg. In fact, an international board of athletes is saying the most absurd thing I've ever heard -- even further out there than this:

The International Association of Athletics Federations has barred a double amputee runner from competing in the Olympics in Beijing because his running legs are "technical aids" that give him a "clear advantage."

Oscar Pistorius runs on what are called "Cheetah legs", legs that are specifically designed for racing. However, according to the geniuses of the IAAF, these legs don't just replace his missing lower legs, ankles and feet -- they give him super power! Apparently they have never heard of the concept of a level playing field.

Of course, their defense raises a natural question.

If, as they state, the cheetah legs perform so well, then why is Pistorius the only double amputee who is potentially contending for Olympics? Wouldn't we see droves of amputee athletes routinely defeating their able body counterparts?

Stupid stupid stupid!

The real issue, of course, is that there is a group of athletes that don't want to be beaten by a guy with no legs.

Here's a good dumb jock joke.

"What's more embarrassing than being beaten in a race against a man with no legs?"

"I don't know, Deb, what is more embarrassing than being beaten in a race against a man with no legs?"

"Realizing that you were one of the morons who said he couldn't compete in the first place!"

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